All Clear So Far

I had my scans and 6 month checkup on December 16th. Scans were negative, cancer marker went down again and I even got to come off of my anti-cancer medicine that was making me crazy. I'm typically a VERY laid back person and I was on "bitch" 24-7. I yelled at the kids all the time and was just always in a bad mood. The lack of sleep, water weight and other symptoms didn't help. She said it wasn't giving me much benefit to outweigh being miserable so, I could stop it. Should things change, I will go back on it.

Happy New Year!

Little scare

Well, I had a little scare this week. I found another lump in the same spot again! I had a mammogram and ultrasound done. The radiologist said she couldn't tell definitively what it was, so she wanted a breast MRI done. After 2 Ativans (like Xanax) I made it through the MRI, not a fun experience.

I saw my dorctor today and she said that it has dissapeared so they all believe that it was a lymph node that was imflamed and not cancer. The MRI did not show any signs of malignancy which is great.

Another 3 months before more scans. I am praying that they stay clean.

Take Care!
Love,
E

Maine Tri for a Cure 8/2009

I just wanted to say thanks to my friends in Maine for participating in the Tri for a Cure. My very close (practically sister) friend Nikki and another friend from childhood, Deanna Smalley Backman, did this race again this year to raise money for Breast Cancer research. These crazy women ran, biked and swam in the freezing cold ocean for this race. On behalf of all Breast Cancer survivors, thank you!

Love,
E

PET scan and Doctor follow-up

I had my 3 month PET scan (glorified CT scan) on Tuesday and saw my oncologist yesterday. She said there was no indication of any cancer cells on either my scan or my CA 127 blood test (cancer marker test). I believe the last time I had the CA 127, it was in the 20's, yesterday it was 11.7. That's great that it went down. They fluctuate and everyone has them. It's only a concern if they start to go up.

I have another follow-up in September and we'll determine then if I'm having more scans. Otherwise, the next scan will be in 6 months.

She told me to start taking the Estrogen blocker again which will cause bone & joint pain. I'll start to feel like I'm 80 again. She's worried that since I did have a slightly estrogen positive tumor the second time, that if we don't block it, it could come back again. I'll take it and add some glucosamine/chondrointin to my diet. Hopefully it will work.

She also said my other side effects should get better in time. Since the neropathy (tingling/numbness) in my fingers has stopped, that's a good sign that my feet/toes will stop eventually too. My hair is still falling out a little. She says this is post traumatic stress and it should subside in a few more months. I hope so or I'll be bald again! Actually, you'd never know it. Only I do since I know how thick my hair was and how thin it is now.

Oh well, moving forward and trying to live like it never happened. I'll be in Maine June 30th-July 20th. It will be nice to get out of this oppresive heat. It's over 100 here! Hopefully I can bring some warmth and sun to Maine!

Love,
E

A depressing moment

Hi everyone. Things have been going well. My burns are completely healed and I've been hanging out with the kids at the pool as well as getting back in the gym.

I went to Wal-Mart today. On my way out, I ran into the husband of one of my chemo friends. His name is Carl and his wife is Sheila, the lady that I helped calm down on her first day of chemo at the end of last year. He saw me and I said "do you remember me?" He said he did and hugged me. We talked for a bit and then he said, "you know I lost my wife in January, right?" I must have looked like an idot with my mouth on the floor because I said "no, I'm so sorry, I didn't". She had Stage 4 lung cancer, which I know is bad, but I really thought she'd beat it. He said "well, we lost the battle but at least we fought it." The ironic thing was, it wasn't the cancer that killed her. Well, indirectly it did. She got a blood clot in her leg as a side effect of the chemo. I was there with her one day when she was in tears because the blood clot hurt so bad. It broke loose and she had a stroke and died.

That was the last time I saw Sheila. I often wondered how she was doing since I hadn't seen her. I also wondered a few times if she had passed away. Being in the cancer ward is scary. People around you, people you've made friends with, die every day. The nurses aren't suppose to tell you how someone is doing but I could sneak bits of information out of them. One time I asked about someone that had passed away. They told me they had lost 7 patients that week. That was the last time I asked, it was too much to handle while I was hooked up to the poison that was potentially killing these people.

It's a cliche, but Sheila is in a better place. She was in a lot of pain and suffering pretty badly. I hope she's happy and watching her daughters grow into beautiful young ladies. She is missed.

Love,
E

Radiation finished!

I finished my last treatment today. Thankfully my burns are healing. They were really bad. My tech said they were the worst she's seen in a long time. I still have one burn that is open and it looks pretty yucky. The rest of it is peeling like a sunburn would only the skin is gray like ashes from a fire, it's gross. Everyone that sees it screws up their face and goes "oh my God!" Even the guy at the McDonalds drive through noticed it and asked how I got burned.

I go back for a checkup in June. I'm also due for my 3 month scans and a follow up with my oncologist and plastic surgeon.

I'll update again after I have those appointments. Hopefully any microscopic cells have been sufficiently fried and I won't have to deal with this again!

Love to All!!
Erica

Getting worse

So, things got worse over the weekend. They gave me a burn gel pad thing that sticks to your wound. Well, since one of my burns is in my armpit, it kept falling off. I took a gauze pad and some paper tape (not very sticky) and had Jason put the tape on the other side of my burn, or so I thought. The next morning when I took it off I also ripped off 3 sections of skin. I now have open flesh wounds that are nice and red. They hurt like hell too. Unfortunately, one of them is in the circle where I am still getting radiation so I'm sure it will be a mess by next Monday when I finish. I'm keeping the gel pads on and wrapping my body with that spongy gauze stuff that only sticks to itself. Maybe the doctor will give me some better medicine tomorrow, who knows. 6 more days, 6 more days!!!

I hope all of my mommies had a Happy Day! (just to clarify, I only have one mommy, I mean all my friends, relatives and my mom)

Love,
E

Another week down, 2 to go

Well, I opened my mouth to soon...not unfamiliar territory for those of you who REALLY know me:) The burns are getting pretty sore now. My collar bone is really red and cracking. The aloe and lotion aren't helping. The doc might give me a prescription cream tomorrow for it. My armpit looks like road rash, it hurts quite a bit too. It kept waking me up last night when I'd roll onto my left side. Will walked in on me getting dressed today and asked "mommy, what are the brown spots on your boobie?" I love it when he asks questions! What do you say to that. I told him it was my new medicine and he just went "oh, ok". It looks like age spots and a rash all over. Hopefully they'll peel off soon. I went to the gym after radiation this morning. It was pretty painfull doing back and bicep exercises. I pushed through it though.

Thankfully today was the last treatment on my collarbone and tomorrow is the last one on the armpit. Thursday starts my "boost" treatments directly over the tumor site. That will last until Monday the 18th, I think. I'll find out for sure tomorrow after I meet with the doctor.

Thanks for the posts!

Love,E

14 to go

Well, it's starting to catch up to me now. My left collar bone area is looking like a catchers mit. It's getting very brown and leathery looking, it itches too. My radiation tech said that it will also start to burn on my back directly behind the collar bone. It's like a bullet exit wound. Radiation has an exit there because it's so thin. My armpit is red too. It doesn't really bother me though.

Oh well, about 3 more weeks and hopefully I'll be done.

~E

13 down 21 to go

I've made it through 2 1/2 weeks pretty unscathed. My chest is starting to itch and get a little more tan. It's dry and scaly so they told me to use aloe and gave me some lotion samples. They have helped quite a bit. Monday I was scratching it so much that I broke it open and started to bleed a little. I thought it was a bug bite but when I went to radiation the next day they said it was from that and not a bite. It's no biggie, just kind of like excema.

I will update again next week after finishing 5 more.

Love,
E

8 radiation treatments down 26 to go

So far it's been uneventful, which is good. No burning and no tiredness. My chest is getting tan from it so I'm hoping it won't burn.

I met with the doctor Wednesday for my weekly checkup and he told me that I was having 34 treatments not 30 or 31. No big deal, just an extra couple of days.

I will update again at the end of next week.

Happy Easter!
Love,E

Radiation has begun

Well, the first day of radiation took about an hour. I got in my shaped pillow that they made for me the first day. Then they moved me around until I was lined up with the beams coming out of the radiation machine. Then they took 3 or 4 pictures of me from the different angles that the radiation beams will be targeting. They showed those to the doctor who confirmed that they marked me in the right places. After it was confirmed, they wrote all over me with red marker. I had lines from my neck down to my ribs and across my chest to under my armpit. There were 4 boxes for the different radiation spots. Then they made a gooey sticky thing 4cm square to go around the tumor spots. This is called boulos. It grabs the radiation and boosts it in that 4 cm spot. This is to make sure that it is zapping the crap out of any little suckers that are left!

They said I should feel fine for a couple of weeks. People don't usually have any burning or tiredness for a little while. They also said since I am Italian, and I don't burn as a rule, that I may escape the nasty burning that some people experience. That would be good.

I had my second zap today. It only took about 15 minutes. They have to position me each time then, the radiation only takes about 7minutes. All in all I was there for about 20 minutes.

Hopefully it will go smoothly and I won't experience any problems. I'll update again at the end of next week after I have 8 under my belt, or should I say shirt!

Love,
E

Baseline Mammogram 3/25/09

Well, here's the one time in my life that I'm actually happy about gaining 10 pounds. Thankfully, the extra breast tissue that the surgeon thought he was feeling, was indeed fatty tissue and not breast tissue. My mammogram showed nothing but dark black which is great! I'm a whole lot less nervous about it now. The radiologist did an ultrasound of both sides to be absolutely sure that there's nothing to worry about. She said there were no signs of tumors, nodules or inflamed lymph nodes, again great news.

I will be starting radiation next Wednesday. It's every day for 6 weeks with weekends off. It poses to be a great time!

I'll update after I start.

Love,
E

Radiation

I went for my radiation simulation on Friday. I laid in a CT machine for a while in the same awkward position, arm over my head cupping the opposite ear. They wrote on me with permanent RED marker marking the lines where the radiation will be. I have an inch long red mark down my breast bone so everywhere I go people say "what's that?". My new answer is "I'm number 1" and they laugh. Then I have to really explain what it is.

I will have a baseline mammogram on Wednesday to make sure there's nothing left in there and then I start the radiation on April 1st. The first day of radiation is about 30 minutes. They will be tattooing little black dots where the permanent marker is now. Yes, tattoing, so they are forever. They said they look like little black freckles. Oh well, whatever works. I guess it will be better than walking around with red lines on my chest for 6 weeks. After the first treatment, it will only take about 10 minutes. They give me small doses over a longer period of time to minimize the burning of the skin. It appraently works the same as if they gave me bigger doses for a shorter period of time.

I'll update again after I start this next fantastic portion of my journey. All I can say is this better be it! I'm tired of it and ready to move on with my life.

Love,
E

Last Surgical Consult 3/12/09

I met with my 3rd surgeon, that my oncologist recommended, yesterday. He was very nice and very thorough. I realy like him unlike the last one that wanted to cut my entire chest out.

He re-ran my pathology slides on the spot, I was amazed. They said that they agreed, the margins were clear but that they thought it was a new tumor not a re-currence. This is good and bad. Good because it didn't have the "fingers" that the original one had so it hadn't branched out yet but bad because it survived through the 1st chemo.

He said he wouldn't recommend any more surgery for me right now even though he feels more breast tissue than he would like under the skin. He also said that unless he opened me up he couldn't tell exactly how much tissue was there. The tissue matters because it's where a new tumor could potentially grow in the future if it's still resistant to the new chemo I just finished. The tissue he's feeling might also be fat since I am about 10 lbs heavier than I was when they did the mastectomies thanks to steroids. I didn't think of that until we left his office. I'll check with my plastic surgeon to see what he thinks. I typicaly did gain or lose in my chest when I fluctuated in weight but I'm not sure if that can still happen after a mastectomy?

His main soncern was that it was resistant the first time therefore microscopic cancer cells could be floating around somewhere else in my body waiting to form a new tumor or metastasise. There's no way to detect this other than the scans that I already do. He just suggested that since I do have some breast tissue left in there that I also do mammograms bi-annually. I think this is a good idea since a mammogram could detect something well before I can feel it. By the time I feel it, it could be too late.

I am waiting to hear from the radiation doctor to see when I will start that. I think it will be in a few more weeks.

Overall, pretty much more of the same. No more sugery for now, and radiation. That is a huge load off my mind. I really wasn't looking forward to it. Hopefully this will all be behind me in late May.

TTFN,
Erica

Final Chemo 3/5/09

Well, I had my final chemo yesterday. My mom and Angela were there with me. Jason had to work; someone has to in order to keep the insurance! They skipped the chemo graduation ceremony this time since I'd seen it before. They just hugged me and gave me a pretty Faith T-shirt. They're from a company called "Prayer-Wear". I'll find the web site and post it. They make pretty trendy T-shirts like the swirly, burnt outs, but they have Faith or Prayer or other scripture lines on them. They're kind of hidden in the design though. I love them.

It went fine, same as usual. I'm not too nauseated this morning yet but I've only been standing up for about 30 minutes. It's a cross between motion and morning sickness. It'll get worse the more I move around over the next 3-4 days. I have fluids and nausea meds in about an hour which will help. I also have the nurse coming Sat & Sun for more.

It's a nice 80 degree day here again...sorry Mainers! Provided it stays that way I may spend some time outside in the fresh air.

Per my last post, my 3 scans were all negative which is a huge weight off my shoulders. I was really worried about the brain scan. I've always said "I have a brain tumor" because of my migraine headaches. Well, I don't! Thank God.

I have a surgery consult next Thursday just to put my mind at ease that I don't need more surgery, I hope. I'm just starting to freak out like I did last time. Once the chemo ended, the tumor started growing again. It's scary to think about. I want chemo to stop because it sucks but at the same time, there's no cancer there if I'm getting chemo. Psychological, I know. I will get over it in time.

Thanks Everyone!
Love, Erica

All my Scans were NEGATIVE! Yeah!!

Last Chemo is Tomorrow (Hopefully)

Well, I made it. 6 more rounds of Chemo. These have been tougher than the first 6 but it will all be over next week when I feel better.

Yesterday I had a brain MRI and a bone scan with chest x-rays. The brain scan was a "just in case" since I hadn't ever scanned it. The radiologist suggested that I do it to be certain that a stray cancer cell hadn't settled in up there. The Bone scan and chest x-ray were because I started to have pain in my right rib cage last week for no reason, I don't remember hurting myself. He said it's probably nothing, my favorite line by the way, but let's check it for peace of mind. We're looking for bone cancer. I'll get the results of those 3 things tomorrow some time. Probably while I'm high on chemo drugs.

Anyway, radiation will follow chemo assuming I don't have any more elective surgery. I'm seeing a surgeon next Thursday to see what he thinks. Should I take out more chest muscle and maybe skin to be safe or have I had enough done already. This recurrence has scared the crap out of me and I don't want it to happen again, at least not for 20 years. I made a deal with God, I asked for at least 20 years, I'm believing that he heard me.

I'll post again tomorrow night. I'm loopy on chemo night so I mis-spell a lot of things but you get the gist of it. I feel like crap for the next 5 days so, not to make you wait, I do it right away.

Love,
Erica

Monday Post Chemo #5

We just dropped Dad off at the airport. We were sad to see him go. I feel like I didn't even see him, although I did, for the 5 days he was here. I spent most of Friday-Sunday in bed and my nausea meds make me goony. I don't remember very much, which is good, I'd hate to feel sick to my stomach for 72 hrs straight. The boys had fun with him.

I'm really wiped out today. I'm not as nauseated, just exhausted. I can function but I can also sit down and fall asleep in 2 seconds. If I'm sitting or laying down it's better but with a 5 and 2 yr old that's difficult. Oh well, it will get better each day.

My hair has started to slowly fall out. I can't believe I made it 5treatments and NOW it's going to go. I started to find a few on my pillow and then more and more in the shower. Last night they would come out in my hand when I ran my fingers through my hair. I'm just hoping it won't ALL fall out, maybe just thin some. I'm not shaving it this time. We'll see, at least I look OK bald!

Mike Fox (a friend from home) told me that he and his wife just did a Susan G Komen 5k on the cruise they were on a few weeks ago. Thanks guys, that's awesome! I didn't realize that Holland America cruises do that on their ships. I think he said it was 9 laps around the ship. Jason and I talked about it and I think we're going to try to take one of their cruises and do it too. We welcome anyone who wants to go! It would be a blast with a bunch of people!

Thanks for the letters, cards, emails and calls. They all mean so much!

Love,
Erica

Day 1 post Chemo 5

I felt ok this morning when I woke up, I'm usually more nauseated. By the time I got to the doctors office I was feeling more nauseated the motion from the car makes it worse. They gave me Ativan and another nausea med to help but it didn't. I just felt like throwing up. I thought maybe I needed some food, so when dad came to get me, Will and Nathan were begging for McDonalds. I said ok, I could get the old "hangover" recipe, a burger and a diet coke. Well, I got 2 bites of the burger down and I thought an orange drink might be better for my stomach. Nope, both made me even sicker.

We went home and I went straight to bed. Nathan came in around 3 and slept with me until about 6. We all ate America Chop Suey for dinner which tasted good and settled my stomach. The kids are playing Wii with Dad and Jason's cleaning up. I'm going to take a bath and go back to bed.

Update later!
Love,
Erica

Chemo #5 down! One to go!

Well, I just finished #5 and I have 1 to go. I almost didn't get chemo today. My white blood cell test on Tuesday was non-existent .01%. I needed to have 2.2% or higher to be treated. My doctor gave me a Neupogen shot to force my body to make white blood cells so that she could treat me. I had my blood drawn this morning and they (whites) came up to 5.7%, which was great. Thank God. My dad flew in last night and it would have been a wasted trip if I had to wait another week until they came up. (well, not wasted, I love visiting with him and the kids are ecstatic) I had a feeling that it was working because my hips, legs, back and head started to really hurt yesterday. The cells are made in the marrow of the largest bones in your body.

I actually feel pretty normal right now. I had treatment at 10 a.m. instead of 1 p.m. like usual. Dad and I ran around and did errands this afternoon and then he painted a wall for me. I love the color! My dad's the best!

I go back for fluids and nausea meds tomorrow morning. Dad will take the kids to the park while they wait for me. Then the nurses will come to my house Saturday and Sunday to give me fluids and meds. I'm praying it won't be as bad this time. I can handle like last time just as long as it's not as bad as Christmas was.

Anyway, I'll update again in a few days. I feel good right now but it takes a couple of days to really kick in and make me feel like crap.

Love to all!
Erica

Monday 1/26/09 Post Chemo 4

Surprisingly, this weekend wasn't as bad as the last chemo. It was more like the one before. Don't get me wrong, it was no cake walk. I still spent the day in bed Friday and Saturday with fluids and nausea meds. I didn't get fluids on Sunday but I did take the nausea medicine. I'm heading in today for more fluids and medicine since I feel a bit yucky today again.

Mom and I went grocery shopping yesterday. I was ok at the time but it took a lot out of me. I was wiped out when we got home.

Friday afternoon was 80 degrees. I layed in a lawn chair with Angela and Mom while the kids played outside for about an hour. That was nice. Fresh air always helps.

Overall, not too bad. 2 to go!!

Erica

Chemo #4 Jan 22, 2009

Well, so far so good. I'm loopy on my drugs righe nw so if my typing is bad that's why.
The past few times I've been a whole lot loopier so maybe this is a good sign. I don't feel sick right now but I'm sure I will in the morning.
Mom and Oti came to visit with me today. It was fun. Talking makes the time go by faster. I got my chemo, nausea drugs and 3 liters of fluids. My face looks like a blow fish from the fluids and steroids. So pretty!
I'll update again in a few days on how the nausea goes.

Love,
Erica

1 week post chemo 3

Well, my blood counts were too low for a shot. Good in a way but the shot really makes me feel better. Oh well, I do feel a lot better than I did yesterday.

I met with the radiation doctor today. I was apparently confused about the length of the treatment. I thought it was once a week for 6-7 weeks. It's once a DAY for 6-7 weeks, 30 treatments in all. It's about 15 minutes each time. Luckily they open at 5:30a.m. so I think I'll just get up early and go at about 7:00 so Jason will be home with the kids. I'll get home in time for him to leave and head to work. They're going to radiate my entire right chest and shoulder, not just the spot where the tumor was, to make sure they zap everything in case there are a few ornery cells lurking somewhere else in the area. That's fine with me, I don't want to do this again, that's for sure!

He was very positive and optimistic that this was an isolated, missed cell reccurence and that it probably won't happen again. That was encouraging. It was nice to hear good news from a doctor again after my other bad appointments.

I'm making some 2nd opinion appointments in the next few weeks too, just to be sure.

I'll update again after chemo 4.

Love,
Erica

Chemo 3, not so good

Hey all,

Chemo 3 finally caught up to me. They told me that it will build up in my body and make me a little sicker each time. The first two weren't so bad but this one was tougher.

I went back to the exhaustion that I experienced with my first chemo last year along with worse nausea. I had to have extra medicine to control it this time. It took me about 7 days to get past it this time versus the 4-5 days the last two. I was having a hard time catching my breath and feeling woozy a lot. I'm better today, so far, it's Sunday (chemo was Monday).

Stevie came down on Christmas Day and was here for about 5 days. the boys didn't want Uncle Steve to go but he had to get back to work. Mom & Dad got here on Chemo day. All 3 of them went to chemo with me. Steve called after he got home and was pretty upset. He said "it's one thing when you're told your sister has breast cancer and you deal with it from afar, it's another thing when you sit in the Chemo room with her and see what's happening." I hate to make my loved ones feel bad, it pains me. It's so routine for me now that I laugh and joke and help other patients while I'm there. It's as if I'm not going through it too. I'm not in denial, I know I am, I guess it's just my coping mechanism.

Mom & Dad have been here for a week. The boys have had a blast. Will's going to cry tomorrow when they leave. They've been a great help as always.

Love,
E