I saw my oncologist today. She said she'd change my nausea meds to see if that helped this next time. My blood counts are good so I'm not exhausted like last time.
We talked about clinical trials and nutrition and excercise as possible ways to combat another occurence. Thankfully, I don't have to become a vegetarian or give up sugar, I was starting to freak out over the sweets thing. She said that since I am triple negative that a no fat diet doesn't help me. Fats turn into estrogen and I'm not estrogen positive. She didn't give my the red carpet to McDonalds, but not the harsh yucky diet either. She said to eat healthfully and exercise. Apparently, I don't see how, exercise has shown to reduce the chances of recurrence. I think it's just the doctors using it to push me to exercise. Those of you who are closest to me know how much I HATE it. I will though, if it means it will help.
I'm still going to research the Chinese medicine herbal thing as a supplement after I'm done with treatment. I figure it can't hurt to drink some tea.
Chemo next Thursday, Dec 4th, again. My mom is flying in for 5-6 days. Hopefully it won't be as nauseating as last time but I'm not holding my breath. It wasn't too bad, I can take it.
I'll update again after Chemo. Happy Thanksgiving!!
Love,
E
Breast Cancer Survivor
"We cannot direct the wind but we can adjust the sails"
Family photo November 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Tuesday after Chemo 1
Well, today I finally felt as close to normal as possible. I just feel like I'm pregnant with mild morning sickness and I'm a little tired. This, I can deal with.
I spent the entire afternoon Christmas shopping since I only really have 3-4 weeks to shop since I'll have a down week from Chemo again on Dec. 4th. My sister is in Alaska, so, we have to ship presents early so they make it in time.
Will is very distraught that Grampy had to go home. He cried for 45minutes this evening when I picked him up from my friend Kristen's. He doesn't comprehend time yet so Christmas seems so far away, that's when Grampy will be back again. He's doing better tonight and he will over the next few days. It was nice having my dad here. We almost never spend any father/daughter time together. I miss him too.
Anyway, overall a good day. I'm tired but that will let me sleep well tonight.
Love,
Erica
I spent the entire afternoon Christmas shopping since I only really have 3-4 weeks to shop since I'll have a down week from Chemo again on Dec. 4th. My sister is in Alaska, so, we have to ship presents early so they make it in time.
Will is very distraught that Grampy had to go home. He cried for 45minutes this evening when I picked him up from my friend Kristen's. He doesn't comprehend time yet so Christmas seems so far away, that's when Grampy will be back again. He's doing better tonight and he will over the next few days. It was nice having my dad here. We almost never spend any father/daughter time together. I miss him too.
Anyway, overall a good day. I'm tired but that will let me sleep well tonight.
Love,
Erica
Monday, November 17, 2008
Monday: Pretty Good Day
I woke up with a rockin' headache which told me that I was dehydrated. My stomach was queazy too. I decided to keep my appointment for fluids and nausea meds to be safe.
I went in and there was a lady, named Sheila, there for her first treatment. She was asking about what to expect and what it feels like so a few of us were telling her what to expect. She seemed ok while they did her fluids and her nausea meds but when they brought the chemo out she broke down and started to cry and pray to herself. She was there with her husband and her sister. I would guess they were in their 50's. I wispered to her sister and asked if it would be ok if I went to her and she said yes. I got up and dragged my chemo pole over to her and hugged her for a little bit and gave her some encouragement, that she would be fine, she could do it, and that I'm hear to help. I gave her my card with my cell # on it and told her to call if she needed me. They thanked me so much for being an inspriation to her today. I'm going to make her some bandanas for when her hair falls out. Anyway, I felt good about being able to help her today so I thought I'd share with everyone.
Then I came home for a nap, which was good because it's 8:00 and I still feel good right now. The priest from our church called while I was resting. I had been trying to get in touch with him but our schedules were overlapping. I needed some guidance in my faith in God and how to pray and overall what to do. I met with Father Richard at about 2:45. We talked for an about an hour. I'm really glad I did go. I was a little bit scared at first but it was a very nice meeting. He helped me beleive that God is always with me no matter if I can hear him or not. That he does hear my prayers and to keep talking to him. He also told me not to think about dieing right now, to live my life and take care of my family. That helped a lot. We did my confession, which was nothing like the scary confessional from childhood, and he forgave me for my sins. I am very happy to be part of the church again. I truly feel that it was a major part of me that has been missing over the past 10 years.
He also told me that they added me to the prayer list for the parishioners with illnesses which is great. The more prayers the better.
Thanks for keeping up with me!
Love,
Erica
I went in and there was a lady, named Sheila, there for her first treatment. She was asking about what to expect and what it feels like so a few of us were telling her what to expect. She seemed ok while they did her fluids and her nausea meds but when they brought the chemo out she broke down and started to cry and pray to herself. She was there with her husband and her sister. I would guess they were in their 50's. I wispered to her sister and asked if it would be ok if I went to her and she said yes. I got up and dragged my chemo pole over to her and hugged her for a little bit and gave her some encouragement, that she would be fine, she could do it, and that I'm hear to help. I gave her my card with my cell # on it and told her to call if she needed me. They thanked me so much for being an inspriation to her today. I'm going to make her some bandanas for when her hair falls out. Anyway, I felt good about being able to help her today so I thought I'd share with everyone.
Then I came home for a nap, which was good because it's 8:00 and I still feel good right now. The priest from our church called while I was resting. I had been trying to get in touch with him but our schedules were overlapping. I needed some guidance in my faith in God and how to pray and overall what to do. I met with Father Richard at about 2:45. We talked for an about an hour. I'm really glad I did go. I was a little bit scared at first but it was a very nice meeting. He helped me beleive that God is always with me no matter if I can hear him or not. That he does hear my prayers and to keep talking to him. He also told me not to think about dieing right now, to live my life and take care of my family. That helped a lot. We did my confession, which was nothing like the scary confessional from childhood, and he forgave me for my sins. I am very happy to be part of the church again. I truly feel that it was a major part of me that has been missing over the past 10 years.
He also told me that they added me to the prayer list for the parishioners with illnesses which is great. The more prayers the better.
Thanks for keeping up with me!
Love,
Erica
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Not so great afterall
Well, my big mouth got me in trouble. I spoke too soon. Saturday was a little crappy.
I ended up in the ER because my doctors office and the visiting nurses got messed up. So, no fluids came to my house and I was getting a migraine from dehydration and more and more nauseated. My dad and I went to the hospital and they gave me fluids and Phenergan (nausea med) which knocked my ass out. I went to bed @ 6 and didn't get up until 9:30 this morning.
It was good though, I woke up feeling ok and not nauseated like yesterday. The nurse brought me fluids today and I feel pretty good.
We had a family picture done today at our house. We'll see how those turn out! Hopefully my face isn't too white or green! The kids were really great, I was very surprised that Nathan didn't cry.
Love,
Erica
*(Chip, post me your email address)
I ended up in the ER because my doctors office and the visiting nurses got messed up. So, no fluids came to my house and I was getting a migraine from dehydration and more and more nauseated. My dad and I went to the hospital and they gave me fluids and Phenergan (nausea med) which knocked my ass out. I went to bed @ 6 and didn't get up until 9:30 this morning.
It was good though, I woke up feeling ok and not nauseated like yesterday. The nurse brought me fluids today and I feel pretty good.
We had a family picture done today at our house. We'll see how those turn out! Hopefully my face isn't too white or green! The kids were really great, I was very surprised that Nathan didn't cry.
Love,
Erica
*(Chip, post me your email address)
Friday, November 14, 2008
Still OK
Another ok day. I had fluids this morning and then went out to lunch and grocery shopping. Then I cleaned the kitchen and caught up on a bunch of TIVO'd stuff.
Dad took the kids to the park this morning while I had my fluids. Then,when Nathan went down for a nap, he took Will to the driving range. They're having a blast.
I ate a good dinner too thanks to my friends Julie & Jeff and Raquel & Lonnie. Both dropped off dinner for us tonight which was awesome. My friends here have meals organized for many days, thank you!
I feel pretty good unless I'm up and moving. Then I get a little nauseated. I've done well with my water and gatorade though. That keeps me hydrated so the nausea is at a minimum.
Hopefully they'll be wrong and it won't kick in over the weekend. We'll see. I'll update in a few days.
Love,
Erica
Dad took the kids to the park this morning while I had my fluids. Then,when Nathan went down for a nap, he took Will to the driving range. They're having a blast.
I ate a good dinner too thanks to my friends Julie & Jeff and Raquel & Lonnie. Both dropped off dinner for us tonight which was awesome. My friends here have meals organized for many days, thank you!
I feel pretty good unless I'm up and moving. Then I get a little nauseated. I've done well with my water and gatorade though. That keeps me hydrated so the nausea is at a minimum.
Hopefully they'll be wrong and it won't kick in over the weekend. We'll see. I'll update in a few days.
Love,
Erica
Thursday, November 13, 2008
1st New Chemo Cisplatin
Well, my doctor filled me in on all the bad shit that can happen on this drug but it's worth it since it has seen the most advancement in treating my type of breast cancer. It's not even endorsed yet but my doctors don't want to wait for the "official" endorsement in 5 years and then say "wish we did it when we thought we should have". I agree.
The bad shit is extreme dehydration that leads to bad nausea and vomitting. This is "old style" chemo that makes you really sick. Ironically, I finished my first round and went out for Mexican food because I felt so good. They said go eat now because it will catch up to you in a few days. So I hope the Mexican food won't haunt me and come up tonight! It can also cause ringing in the ears and numbness in the fingers and toes. They're usually temporary until the chemo is finished. I had a few residual side effects after my first chemo too but they went away.
I'm pretty hopeful that with this chemo and radiation that things will be all good again in booby land.
My Ocologist wants me to see the surgeon that she would go to if she got breast cancer for a 3rd unbiased opinion. I'll see him in a few weeks. I need to make up my mind on whether I'm going to remove more lymph nodes for testing even though all my scans are clear or chance it. My scans were clear before too because they can't detect individual cancer cells, only tumors about 1cm in size. That seems tiny but in cancer world it is large. 4 cm is HUGE. Mine were 1.8 and 1.
Anyway, Just thought I'd update now while I felt good in case I'm hugging the porcelein God for the next few days.
Love,
Erica
The bad shit is extreme dehydration that leads to bad nausea and vomitting. This is "old style" chemo that makes you really sick. Ironically, I finished my first round and went out for Mexican food because I felt so good. They said go eat now because it will catch up to you in a few days. So I hope the Mexican food won't haunt me and come up tonight! It can also cause ringing in the ears and numbness in the fingers and toes. They're usually temporary until the chemo is finished. I had a few residual side effects after my first chemo too but they went away.
I'm pretty hopeful that with this chemo and radiation that things will be all good again in booby land.
My Ocologist wants me to see the surgeon that she would go to if she got breast cancer for a 3rd unbiased opinion. I'll see him in a few weeks. I need to make up my mind on whether I'm going to remove more lymph nodes for testing even though all my scans are clear or chance it. My scans were clear before too because they can't detect individual cancer cells, only tumors about 1cm in size. That seems tiny but in cancer world it is large. 4 cm is HUGE. Mine were 1.8 and 1.
Anyway, Just thought I'd update now while I felt good in case I'm hugging the porcelein God for the next few days.
Love,
Erica
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Bad weekend
Sorry I haven't written. I've had a bad few days.
I saw a new Dr. on Friday that basically wanted to re-do all of my surgery, take out my chest muscle, all my lymph nodes and all of my skin on the left side "just in case". She then went on to tell me that my situation was very bad and had me 1 foot in the grave. We left there feeling that she was a bit excessive so I called my doctors who assured me that it wasn't necessary to do all that if my scans were negative which 2 of the 3 have been. I had the third today and I won't know for a week or so on that one.
I cried quite a bit that night and over the weekend but I was feeling better knowing that we were seeing a new oncologist on Monday and I was sure that she would be positive and tell me what I wanted to hear. Wrong again. She was very very nice and very informative but she said the same things. "This shouldn't have happened, it came back too fast, we almost never see this". When I asked her what my chance of this happening again was she said 50/50. That sounded so horrible to me. She said that there's a 50% chance that the chemo & Radiation WILL take care of it and it will never come back. But, there's a 50% chance that it will come back and if it does it will be within a year just like this one and it will probably spread this time. So Jason then asks her "so is this the beginning of the end?" And she was very emphatic in saying no but I should get my "affairs" in order to take the stress off my mind!
Then I got home from this doctor and my doctor was leaving me a message to call her, which never happens. I got her on the phone and she proceeded to tell me that this cancer is "tougher" than the first one. That this one is now what they call triple-negative. It is not responsive to Estrogen, Progesterone or HER2 (hormone). It is more aggressive than E/P HER2 positive tumors and they don't have an after treatment like Tamoxifen (pill you take for 5 yrs) for triple neg cancers. The good thing is that they are more receptive to chemo so hopefully that will work in my favor this time. She also said she is changing my chemo to a much harder one since it is triple-neg now. So, I will lose my hair again and the nausea is worse with this one.
Needless to say, I have been a crying mess for 5 days now. I can't help thinking that my kids are going to watch their mommy die in a hospice bed in our house. I know that's horrible but after those visits to the new doctors, that's how I took it. The other thing that was bothering me was thinking about being in Heaven and watching over my family. I know I would be their angel but, I am afraid of watching someone else living MY life with MY husband and MY kids. Every time I hear Nathan or Will calling "mommy" I lose it and think about them calling for me if I'm not here anymore. Nathan won't understand and will still be looking for me. I worry that it will tear Jason apart.
I finally decided this evening that I'm done with the crying and I have to move on. I can't dwell on "what-if". I need to live in the now and fight back with all I have. If my third scan comes back negative I have to think it's just a fluke and it will be taken care of this time with the radiation and it won't be back.
I'm sorry for making all of you cry right now. Everyone says they can't understand what I'm thinking so I wrote it down.
*On a funny note, I had the "Mommys sick and might not always be here" talk with Will yesterday. He then went out with my friend Julie and told her "mommy's boobie is gonna die". I guess he's not ready for that yet!
Thanks for the support again!
Love,
Erica
I saw a new Dr. on Friday that basically wanted to re-do all of my surgery, take out my chest muscle, all my lymph nodes and all of my skin on the left side "just in case". She then went on to tell me that my situation was very bad and had me 1 foot in the grave. We left there feeling that she was a bit excessive so I called my doctors who assured me that it wasn't necessary to do all that if my scans were negative which 2 of the 3 have been. I had the third today and I won't know for a week or so on that one.
I cried quite a bit that night and over the weekend but I was feeling better knowing that we were seeing a new oncologist on Monday and I was sure that she would be positive and tell me what I wanted to hear. Wrong again. She was very very nice and very informative but she said the same things. "This shouldn't have happened, it came back too fast, we almost never see this". When I asked her what my chance of this happening again was she said 50/50. That sounded so horrible to me. She said that there's a 50% chance that the chemo & Radiation WILL take care of it and it will never come back. But, there's a 50% chance that it will come back and if it does it will be within a year just like this one and it will probably spread this time. So Jason then asks her "so is this the beginning of the end?" And she was very emphatic in saying no but I should get my "affairs" in order to take the stress off my mind!
Then I got home from this doctor and my doctor was leaving me a message to call her, which never happens. I got her on the phone and she proceeded to tell me that this cancer is "tougher" than the first one. That this one is now what they call triple-negative. It is not responsive to Estrogen, Progesterone or HER2 (hormone). It is more aggressive than E/P HER2 positive tumors and they don't have an after treatment like Tamoxifen (pill you take for 5 yrs) for triple neg cancers. The good thing is that they are more receptive to chemo so hopefully that will work in my favor this time. She also said she is changing my chemo to a much harder one since it is triple-neg now. So, I will lose my hair again and the nausea is worse with this one.
Needless to say, I have been a crying mess for 5 days now. I can't help thinking that my kids are going to watch their mommy die in a hospice bed in our house. I know that's horrible but after those visits to the new doctors, that's how I took it. The other thing that was bothering me was thinking about being in Heaven and watching over my family. I know I would be their angel but, I am afraid of watching someone else living MY life with MY husband and MY kids. Every time I hear Nathan or Will calling "mommy" I lose it and think about them calling for me if I'm not here anymore. Nathan won't understand and will still be looking for me. I worry that it will tear Jason apart.
I finally decided this evening that I'm done with the crying and I have to move on. I can't dwell on "what-if". I need to live in the now and fight back with all I have. If my third scan comes back negative I have to think it's just a fluke and it will be taken care of this time with the radiation and it won't be back.
I'm sorry for making all of you cry right now. Everyone says they can't understand what I'm thinking so I wrote it down.
*On a funny note, I had the "Mommys sick and might not always be here" talk with Will yesterday. He then went out with my friend Julie and told her "mommy's boobie is gonna die". I guess he's not ready for that yet!
Thanks for the support again!
Love,
Erica
Monday, November 3, 2008
Yippee, More Chemo & Radiation Too!
Ok, so I had the new tumor taken out Friday. It was 1cm. My original one was 2 cm. This one had only been growing for 5 months which is scary. It is very aggressive and rapidly multiplying. Since it is a recurrence of my old tumor, there is no staging. The freaky part is that there is only a 1% chance of this happening, and it did!
I was a little concerned when my doctor came in and looked flustered. She was not happy about this. She did say that it's not hopeless and that I can still beat it. I asked if she'd seen this before and she said yes, twice. Not very good, I know. I then asked how they were doing. She said very well and in remission.
I will now undergo a new regimen of chemo and this time radiation. They typically don't radiate mastectomy patients that had negative lymph nodes because all the tissue is removed. This time it is necessary because the chemo didn't work in the breast. She said it did it's job elsewhere by not allowing it to spread though.
This chemo is Gemzar & Carboplatin. It is every 21 days like before but it's suppose to be a little easier on the patient. Less naseau and other side effects. I might even keep my hair. She said it tends to thin but not fall out completely so no shaving my head this time!
After 6 rounds of that, I finish in February (I think), I will start radiation. I haven't seen the radiation ocologist yet so I don't know all the details there. I only know that it will mess up my perfect boob! It makes the skin shrink. I'm talking with the boob Doc Wednesday about that. I'm kidding, so what, if it means I'm alive. You won't see it under clothes.
Anyway, my spirits are up. I'm not freaking out, just pissed off that I have to do this again and I can't come home for Christmas. I guess it's a small price to pay so that we can have many more Christmases to come.
Love,
Erica
*My surgeon called at 4:30 today (after my post above) to tell me that my second surgery came back clean, no cancer in my chest muscle. That's a little bit of relief for an otherwise crappy day!
I was a little concerned when my doctor came in and looked flustered. She was not happy about this. She did say that it's not hopeless and that I can still beat it. I asked if she'd seen this before and she said yes, twice. Not very good, I know. I then asked how they were doing. She said very well and in remission.
I will now undergo a new regimen of chemo and this time radiation. They typically don't radiate mastectomy patients that had negative lymph nodes because all the tissue is removed. This time it is necessary because the chemo didn't work in the breast. She said it did it's job elsewhere by not allowing it to spread though.
This chemo is Gemzar & Carboplatin. It is every 21 days like before but it's suppose to be a little easier on the patient. Less naseau and other side effects. I might even keep my hair. She said it tends to thin but not fall out completely so no shaving my head this time!
After 6 rounds of that, I finish in February (I think), I will start radiation. I haven't seen the radiation ocologist yet so I don't know all the details there. I only know that it will mess up my perfect boob! It makes the skin shrink. I'm talking with the boob Doc Wednesday about that. I'm kidding, so what, if it means I'm alive. You won't see it under clothes.
Anyway, my spirits are up. I'm not freaking out, just pissed off that I have to do this again and I can't come home for Christmas. I guess it's a small price to pay so that we can have many more Christmases to come.
Love,
Erica
*My surgeon called at 4:30 today (after my post above) to tell me that my second surgery came back clean, no cancer in my chest muscle. That's a little bit of relief for an otherwise crappy day!
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